I need some time... (from A Temporary Matter)

Dear Nisha, my best friend ,before I leave Kumar I want to share this with you.. First of all, I am so sorry for abandoning your calls for months... I will tell you what happened...

Looking at my friends happily settled and bearing kids as many as they want, breaks my heart so much. I just cant be the old Shoba I used to be. I know Kumar realises it. We used to be so happily married and so crazy of each other.

The day we got married..

Kumar is always funny like this...

I loved Kumar so much..

                                                       
We used to spend so much time together laughing, joking around and having lots of fun. It all started in 2007 at a lecture hall in Cambridge, there was a group of Bengali poets giving a recital. He was bored and so was I. That was the moment, I was sitting next to him and he found me beautiful and straightaway attracted to me. He told me about it the night we got engaged.
(I know you didn't know how we fell in love).Those were the sweetest moments in my life. Here are some beautiful memories I had with Kumar...

The Cambridge Lecture Hall, the place we first met

Kumar and I in good times

Even though Kumar is very forgetful, I have always loved that about him. You know me, I am very much organized and systematic. I usually even list down the things I am going to buy and  also very meticulous about every details even about the Turkish carpet's color in my house. Kumar, on the other hand, (sighs hard) just let me state one, only one normal thing no one will forget, but he does! A simple dental appointment or even at least brushing his teeth in the morning! I used to be his daily calendar routine. Everything used to be so much fun back then...

During our honeymoon ...

But, everything started changing 6 months ago, when I was pregnant with my first child. Both of us were very much delighted. I remember the day I forced Kumar to attend the academic conference in Baltimore when I was still carrying my first child in me. I also remember that was the last day I had a heart filled with over-flowing love for Kumar. I remember waving at him, sending him off.

The memory in September 2011 washed away all the previous memories I had with Kumar.I was so in pain  before the due date. I had no choice but to rush to the hospital. I was hoping for a beautiful child just like Shreya, the little girl I was carrying at Aunt Kala's house.. Remember?

Shreya and I

I least expected a still-birth, Nisha. I was devastated and dissappointed. I had terrible emotional changes and I really think I need some time for myself. I spoked to Kumar for 5 consecutive days and we spilled the beans about every single details we didn't tell each other all these while. Those moments were really precious. But, right now I need time to think. I know I cannot be running away from problems as soon as they crop up, but I have no choice. I have been avoiding Kumar for months. Its really awkward eating with him or even looking at him. I am moving out, Nisha. I am sorry. Take good care of Dev and your beautiful kids. Our friendship necklace will always remind me of you. I am sorry again.

p/s: I took a picture of our friendship necklace just to show you I am still keeping it..

Remember, you gave me this in June 17, 2001? I love you, Nisha..always will...

Take care, Nisha. Friends Forever.
                                                                              Done by,
                                                                              Nishalina a/p Nadarajan (100518)